don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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