So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
