There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
