Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
