sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
