I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
