oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
