My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
