I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
