i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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