We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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