Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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