Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
honey bunches of taint.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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