Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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