i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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