things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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