I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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