There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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