News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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