Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
