My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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