Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
