I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize