Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
