p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
