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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.

  (727): View more from Florida

  More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

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• (315): View more from New York

  They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

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• (845): View more from New York

  I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....

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• (819): View more from Quebec

  She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad

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• (212): View more from New York

  My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.

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• (650): View more from California

  Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone

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