we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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