I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
