After last night, I could never be a politician.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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