It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize