And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
