we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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