You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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