I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
