I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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