I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
