Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize