I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
