finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
