Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
