I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
