True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize