I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
