Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
