Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
