This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
