Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
