I will die if light touches me.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mom said you looked used
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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