I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
