I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
