you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
