he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
