dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
