Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
