Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
