Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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