operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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