Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
