hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I made him laugh his dick is mine
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
