Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
