so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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