Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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