peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I met the friendliest cop last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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