just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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