Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't notice because vodka
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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