I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
