You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
