there's paper in my vomit.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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