Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
