I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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