broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
