Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm too high and old for this...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
