I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
