I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
