There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Fuck appropriateness.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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